Wednesday

City Without Limits

from the Field Center's "Realities" blog.

The other evening, I watched a wonderful Spanish film, “El La Ciudad Sin Limites” (”City Without Limits”), directed by Antonio Hernández, which tells the story of a Madrid family that convenes in a Paris hospital to be present for the end-state treatment of a dying husband and father. Among many powerful details rendered by brilliant actors, masterful directing, and stunning cinematography was a passing reference to the “city without limits,” a phrase used to describe a city that has begun growing wildly in order to thwart the attempt of certain citizens to escape it by train. It is at once a reference to the cancer that has begun growing “without limits” in the brain of the dying father and a political metaphor of oppression that also belongs to the story—chilling in both respects, this idea that something dark, something evil, may begin spawning itself until one has no way out.

One thing that struck me about this reference was the fact that, despite its obvious power, it comes and goes in the film with no more attention to itself than a sigh. It is offered as an aside in a note penned by the dying man to an old friend, an obvious homage to a book written by the friend bearing the phrase as its title that also shows up in the story, and I was touched by the poetic self-restraint of the writers, Enrique Brasó and director Antonio Hernández. Clearly, they trusted their audience to get the metaphor without repetition or explanation, and I thought that American screenwriters would do well to follow their example.

The other thing that struck me about the “city without limits” is how apt the metaphor can be experientially. Sometimes, when we feel trapped in a situation, we may feel that we are on a train that simply can’t convey us to safety, that the situation has taken on a life of its own and is now growing without limits. No matter what we do, we find we are still within the city of our suffering. The train is going as fast as it can, but the city has no limits.

When I talk to students who are feeling this way, I offer them something that I’ve learned—that every city has limits, and that there is always a way out. One may be on the wrong train—that is, a new and surprising track may be needed, but such tracks become available the moment we become willing to doubt and question the power of the problem. The track that cannot escape the city, it turns out, is the track of a one-track mind, a belief, a way of being that leads to a train of thought and action and fact that then seem to exist independently of the beholder. Our suffering becomes convincing, overtakes our desire, and then seems to move with a life and authority of its own. Nevertheless, its roots lie within ourselves. The way out of the city of suffering, in the end, is as close as our willingness to question what we have taken for granted, a questioning that has within itself the power to grant something else.

Saturday

Attention to What Feels Better


You cannot change things
for the better
by acknowledging things
that need to be changed.




You only change things
for the better
when you turn your attention
to what feels better to you
in the attention of it.

Abraham-Hicks

Thoughts from a Stone Bench in Venice

"I sit on this bench and look
at the sea and the freaks and the
lovers.

I need new eyes a new mouth new
pillows, a new woman.

every old stud with half an eye in
his head loves to charm and ride
a new young calf.

when I think of womenless men mowing their
Saturday lawns and playing football,
baseball, basketball with their sons
I feel like vomiting into the far
horizon.

the family stinks of Christ
and the American Stock Exchange.
the family stinks of safety and
numbness and Thanksgiving turkeys.
the family stinks of airless packed
automobiles driving though
redwood forests.

I need new eyes a new woman new
ankles a new voice new betrayals

I don’t want a long funeral
procession when I die.
I want to move on without weight
or obligation.
I want just the sullen darkness I want
a tomb like this night now:
me here undiluted --
solid, cranky, immaculate.
I hold fast to me. that’s all there
is."

Charles Bukowski

Wednesday

The Paradox of Having

"When we are willing to have what we want, but also willing to not have it and so have released our will about it, then that thing comes to us."

the field project